Remembering A King : A Tribute to a Filipino Icon

July 10, 2012 in the evening, I was already in the office. This is the first time I went in since I got absent last Thursday. I was sick over the weekend. An office buddy of mine told me something I couldn't believe. "Dolphy is dead". I know death comes to all of us, but I never expected him to go. At least not yet because of the news that he is recovering and he is responding well to the treatment. As I'm writing this, I still I can't believe he is gone.

I grew up watching his films. I enjoy his films more than I do FPJ's. Don't get me wrong, I still idolize the Action King in terms of sheer body count as I do Chuck Norris, but I look up to Dolphy especially on his dispositions in dealing with troubles in life. I learned that a teaspoon of humor can get you through even the roughest days. When I'm in a pinch and I'm about to panic,I tell myself a joke and laugh my ass off so I can be in my normal mode again.

Men like these who seek fulfillment by watching people smile and laugh and happy should be set as role models. Unlike people in politics who are overly serious w/ cutthroat dispositions who only have 1 thing governing their psychology: greed. Even if he was famous, He never ventured into politics to take advantage of it.

I grew up watching his films and sitcoms. I was a fan of John en Marsha, Home Along da Riles, the RVQ Films he had, even the ones in black and white. He was an all-around entertainer. He can tap dance, he acts well, he does serious scenes well, his films stress on Filipino values like respect for elders and unconditional love among other things. I watched him influence the people he worked with. I saw how his "kids" in his sitcoms became mature and take on different responsibilities as parents, leaders in the media industry and even in politics. (And yes folks, this includes Claudine even after the Tulfo Incident, she is a great mom after all.. hehehehehe).

I can go on and on ranting about how I idolize this man. This single man who brings multiple funny memories of childhood. I cried, I laughed and laughed till I cried on his films. If there was a Val Halla for comedians, He will be there with rest of his crew. Panchito, Palito, Balut, Pugak, Tugak, Chichay, Ike Lozada and all the great comedians of our time. You will be missed, as an entertainer, indirect mentor and source of strength. Yet your legacy will remain, as long as there lives those that witnessed your greatness, that shared the laughter you cracked a joke for. We shall tell our children and our children's children of your tenacity, and all out love for comedy.

P.S. IDOL KO SI PIDOL.

When the Mind Falls, the Body Soon Follows

The last week was a disaster. I attended work 2 days out of 5. And now, another absence. I don't really understand what's going on here. I feel like I'm a jinx. I attract the most unfortunate of events.

I try to be strong for my girl who is in a dire situation right now. Her dad has the right side of his body paralyzed. The blood clot on the left side of his brain w/c caused this has already been dissolved but seeing your old man like that  is a daunting task. you would wish to be in his place and take the hit for him. With this, they always have my prayers.

My girl has gone home to Butuan to be with her dad. Though I had to let her go, I even encouraged her to go, it ain't easy getting left behind. counting the days that gone by. With each day my longing grows. I thought she'd be back by now but it seems I would still have to wait a week or two.

At work, it's a dog eat dog atmosphere. There are only a few of us who don't really give a fuck what happens around but enough is enough. I have bled for these motherfuckers and what do I get? Nothin. When I "discover" something I could do to boost my stats legally, these shitheads  complain. when I do the assigned task to me and my stats hit rock bottom, not a single soul notices.

So here I am, lettin' it all out on a blog I haven't touched for a while. I was off from work again today. damn chest pains are killing me.

I do hope one day, I can read about success, of love of joy...coz today, this is just too damn dark.

The sickness, laziness, tired cocktail

Come to think of it, I have been working harder than I have ever in my career with my present employer. I have worked well out of my comfort zone, well out of my pay grade even. When I snooped around and asked if ever we would get "just" compensation for our efforts, the first reply was a big yes, a few Q&A's later, it is all a blur. Good for the "boss" that he got promoted, he himself told me I must do the task he gave me coz he should be doing it but don't know how to. (Aint that great?). Well he still got roughly 3 months to prove he is a man of his word. I have been consistently on top of my game, but I am payed less than my counterparts. I am not asking for a bonus, I am asking for just compensation. what's the use of hiring people and giving them better pay just looking at their resumes and seeing they have been long in that company? Length of service is not a LONE testament of skill. it is a criteria for loyalty and that is good if you are running a battalion of soldiers. But for a workforce? What good would it do? you're just cultivating an environment for mediocrity, laziness, incompetence and pure stupidity. Forgive my rudeness, but I am not being rude. This is blunt honesty.

I have bled crimson and blue for you, time for you guys to do your part.

The Good Thing About Rocky Balboa

I've been through a lot today. I was pissed the whole damn time. I woke up late for an interview because I slept at 6am(I have a bad case of insomnia). So cut the story short, mom woke me up half baked not ensuring I ws on my feet. I mean it is all my fault but wouldn't this case need a little exception?

So the Interview went fine and they told me they'd call me up next week. But mind you people, unemployment is just half of my worries now.I just so realized that some friends I thought were true are not. It's really funny how people flock to you for aid, yet it feels like a desert when you need them? I'm lucky though for my desert has an oasis. a couple of friends and a lady who loves me for all that I am, flaws included. Hehehehehe.

I was watching an old school flick that I love since I was a kid. Rocky 3. Hahahahaha. Brings a lot of fun memories. Running around the hood, swinging clenched fists pretending to be boxers, sparring with my playmates who are in other places now, whew! what a rush. hahahah.

Seeing that flick again and internalizing the moral, the struggle he went through, the beatings and shit. Hell, that guy can surely take a lot of serious punches and still stand and go down swinging. His main strength lies not on the strength in his arms, nor the peed and accuracy of his punches. It lies on his unyielding faith in himself and his Perseverance to win. That makes a true Champion.

In the current timeline of my existence, I have taken several hits, gone down several times but never stayed down. I went back up to fight another day. I was built to last. With a sense of humor and the perseverance mom taught me, I have learned to love what I have, work hard to reach my objectives. Just like Rocky so to speak.

In the past years of my life I have been a dick. I don't answer right, I am short tempered, I don't appreciate the little things. I find it amusing how I look back and see that clown thinking it was me, and thinking that I thought what I was doing and what I am is right. I feel so blessed to go through hell, be purged of the negativity that I have incurred and be the man I am now. Yes people may laugh at me for letting go of call center jobs and look for an averaged salary daytime job. What they don't understand is that what I value in life aren't material. I enjoy laughing with "true" friends. I enjoy time with my family. I enjoy simple cooking sessions with Hannah. It may sound absurd but I have fun crying over chick flicks with my girl, share a tub of ice cream, getting back rubs and all that stuff. My estranged crew still drown in alcohol, find love in the wrong places with the wrong persons, substitute love with cheap sex, I mean come on! And they belittle me because I changed? Yes dude, belittle my income, but never belittle who I am. You will never be half the man I am now.

A lot of things that I realized just watching a flick. Ain't that neat? Imagine me, painstakingly absorbing a whole ongoing series. Hahahahaha.

Before I end this virtual note, i would like to share a passage I read in a picture book when I was training with a former call center: " What is true light? It is looking into all of darkness with undimmed eyes". This is all for now. God bless us all!

Another Emailed Application

I just emailed an application for a High School or Elementary Computer Instructor and I am quite anxious about it. A place far more placid than the marketplace I grew up on. Where the hood ain't that dirty, nor are the people too flashy and boisterous.

I will hold the details of where this is, but one thing is certain: I am hyped!. Hahahahaha. Wish I can start a new career. a clean slate so to speak. No more nocturne hours of sucking up your ego to be yelled at by pesky customers and stuff. A simple corner with a desk where I can rot my way into bureaucracy. The father-type, boring-ass job so to speak. A peaceful job that follows a routine, fixed hours and fixed rest days (I'm not really a boring person, for me, that's what vacation leaves are for).

This is it for now. I'll just keep reading manga to pass the time and wait until the sun rises and my nephew to wake up so I can doze off.

Life Requires More Than Just A Poker Face

I'm finding it real hard to sleep so I'm writing this so I could wear myself down. I woke up on the afternoon of yesterday as I usually do. It is weird for others but this is pretty common among "retired brothers of the headset" or put plainly, people who are tired of being call center agents and decide never to return to the industry again. Furthermore, I had multiple hits of insults and complete lack of understanding from people I hold dear.

Another thing that's keeping me up is thinking about the fact that I project a natural aura of toughness and resiliency that no matter what people say or do, I don't get easily irritated, aggravated or hurt. But when those close to you have wronged you, it hurts so much to the very core. Like a speeding dart brings down a castle wall by hitting it's foundation molecule; pure luck or pure chance but it has done it. As for me, sad to say, I was the damn wall.

I lack a friend who I could talk to at tough times, crack a joke when I need one. My childhood friends are not here. Hell I even almost died one time when I got beaten to a pulp and a close friend ran for dear life, never thinking of going back. silly as it seems but I have accepted this fate. I was a born leader but somehow, I attract traitors. It's a sad, shitty, lonely role but someone has to play it.

I know that I lack patience but I need not a single reminder of it. I've been working on it day in and day out. Waiting for that gov't job that has just ended for a short time, gettin' used for the damn elections and working for a surprising 6 months only after a year plus of waiting, working on an "allowance" and shit is already a test of character and patience ain't it? I mean c'mon aand give me a damn break why dont ya?

I could go on and on with this yammer but what good would it do? I just wanted to smile and laugh once in a while. Be the boss once in a while. Is that really hard to give? Is that too much to ask? I've been a sponge of all sorts, absorbing the negativity from all people and still crack a joke and make them laugh. But what if the sponge is full? you wring it unto a bucket right? There comes a point that they can no longer hold any fluid. The question is, who or where is my bucket? Who can I run to?

Trust me, it never is easy being a bum when you are sensitive to other people's needs. I don't need a challenge, an insult nor a reminder. All I need is companionship, encouragement and some positivity to go with it.

life for me requires more than just a poker face. You've got to have a back up plan. Coz worse comes to worst, when you lose, you still have chips to bet for the next round. If a boxer gets knocked the fuck out, he can still win, given he still has the coordination to stand up, he still has the heart to fight and the determination to go in for the kill.

I was built to last and persevere. I want to be like a koi swimming up a river of challenges and trials. At the end of that journey, swim into a placid pond. Still so vibrant and colorful and graceful. This is it for now. This koi has to sleep to regain its lost color. It's in gray-scale as of the moment.

A Painful Tribute

My moral support crew of one. Hehehehe. Thank you so much for comin' with me babe.

Love and Perseverance

WhirrrrZZZrrrZzZZzZZZ! When you hear the buzz, It's time for pain.

Getting wiped is more painful than gettin' pierced! damn!

Dad's piece all done.

The master sadist A.K.A. artist, Bonski Bonafos at work.

Another look at Dad's finished piece.

Earlier stages of dad's piece... Beginnings are gruesome and they sap your energy right out of you.

I wished to have myself inked since high school. I even recall asking my mother's permission for a month straight, 3 times a day just so i can get my whole back inked by an artist for a tattoo convention. I got the nod years later.

I then thought about the design. Just like a boy wanting to draw or buying a sticker for the first time, i wanted dragons, knights, skulls and reapers and demons of all sort. Then I came to a realization that I will bear this for the rest of my life. So I decided to make it a tribute to the persons who molded me to the man I am today. Headstrong, resilient and comic.... The comic part is all me. hehehehehehe. Above are pictures of the pieces that I have in tribute to my mom and dad and two of the best lessons I learned from each of them. Love and Perseverance for my mom, Respect and Discipline for my dad.