Remembering A King : A Tribute to a Filipino Icon

July 10, 2012 in the evening, I was already in the office. This is the first time I went in since I got absent last Thursday. I was sick over the weekend. An office buddy of mine told me something I couldn't believe. "Dolphy is dead". I know death comes to all of us, but I never expected him to go. At least not yet because of the news that he is recovering and he is responding well to the treatment. As I'm writing this, I still I can't believe he is gone.

I grew up watching his films. I enjoy his films more than I do FPJ's. Don't get me wrong, I still idolize the Action King in terms of sheer body count as I do Chuck Norris, but I look up to Dolphy especially on his dispositions in dealing with troubles in life. I learned that a teaspoon of humor can get you through even the roughest days. When I'm in a pinch and I'm about to panic,I tell myself a joke and laugh my ass off so I can be in my normal mode again.

Men like these who seek fulfillment by watching people smile and laugh and happy should be set as role models. Unlike people in politics who are overly serious w/ cutthroat dispositions who only have 1 thing governing their psychology: greed. Even if he was famous, He never ventured into politics to take advantage of it.

I grew up watching his films and sitcoms. I was a fan of John en Marsha, Home Along da Riles, the RVQ Films he had, even the ones in black and white. He was an all-around entertainer. He can tap dance, he acts well, he does serious scenes well, his films stress on Filipino values like respect for elders and unconditional love among other things. I watched him influence the people he worked with. I saw how his "kids" in his sitcoms became mature and take on different responsibilities as parents, leaders in the media industry and even in politics. (And yes folks, this includes Claudine even after the Tulfo Incident, she is a great mom after all.. hehehehehe).

I can go on and on ranting about how I idolize this man. This single man who brings multiple funny memories of childhood. I cried, I laughed and laughed till I cried on his films. If there was a Val Halla for comedians, He will be there with rest of his crew. Panchito, Palito, Balut, Pugak, Tugak, Chichay, Ike Lozada and all the great comedians of our time. You will be missed, as an entertainer, indirect mentor and source of strength. Yet your legacy will remain, as long as there lives those that witnessed your greatness, that shared the laughter you cracked a joke for. We shall tell our children and our children's children of your tenacity, and all out love for comedy.

P.S. IDOL KO SI PIDOL.

When the Mind Falls, the Body Soon Follows

The last week was a disaster. I attended work 2 days out of 5. And now, another absence. I don't really understand what's going on here. I feel like I'm a jinx. I attract the most unfortunate of events.

I try to be strong for my girl who is in a dire situation right now. Her dad has the right side of his body paralyzed. The blood clot on the left side of his brain w/c caused this has already been dissolved but seeing your old man like that  is a daunting task. you would wish to be in his place and take the hit for him. With this, they always have my prayers.

My girl has gone home to Butuan to be with her dad. Though I had to let her go, I even encouraged her to go, it ain't easy getting left behind. counting the days that gone by. With each day my longing grows. I thought she'd be back by now but it seems I would still have to wait a week or two.

At work, it's a dog eat dog atmosphere. There are only a few of us who don't really give a fuck what happens around but enough is enough. I have bled for these motherfuckers and what do I get? Nothin. When I "discover" something I could do to boost my stats legally, these shitheads  complain. when I do the assigned task to me and my stats hit rock bottom, not a single soul notices.

So here I am, lettin' it all out on a blog I haven't touched for a while. I was off from work again today. damn chest pains are killing me.

I do hope one day, I can read about success, of love of joy...coz today, this is just too damn dark.

The sickness, laziness, tired cocktail

Come to think of it, I have been working harder than I have ever in my career with my present employer. I have worked well out of my comfort zone, well out of my pay grade even. When I snooped around and asked if ever we would get "just" compensation for our efforts, the first reply was a big yes, a few Q&A's later, it is all a blur. Good for the "boss" that he got promoted, he himself told me I must do the task he gave me coz he should be doing it but don't know how to. (Aint that great?). Well he still got roughly 3 months to prove he is a man of his word. I have been consistently on top of my game, but I am payed less than my counterparts. I am not asking for a bonus, I am asking for just compensation. what's the use of hiring people and giving them better pay just looking at their resumes and seeing they have been long in that company? Length of service is not a LONE testament of skill. it is a criteria for loyalty and that is good if you are running a battalion of soldiers. But for a workforce? What good would it do? you're just cultivating an environment for mediocrity, laziness, incompetence and pure stupidity. Forgive my rudeness, but I am not being rude. This is blunt honesty.

I have bled crimson and blue for you, time for you guys to do your part.

The Good Thing About Rocky Balboa

I've been through a lot today. I was pissed the whole damn time. I woke up late for an interview because I slept at 6am(I have a bad case of insomnia). So cut the story short, mom woke me up half baked not ensuring I ws on my feet. I mean it is all my fault but wouldn't this case need a little exception?

So the Interview went fine and they told me they'd call me up next week. But mind you people, unemployment is just half of my worries now.I just so realized that some friends I thought were true are not. It's really funny how people flock to you for aid, yet it feels like a desert when you need them? I'm lucky though for my desert has an oasis. a couple of friends and a lady who loves me for all that I am, flaws included. Hehehehehe.

I was watching an old school flick that I love since I was a kid. Rocky 3. Hahahahaha. Brings a lot of fun memories. Running around the hood, swinging clenched fists pretending to be boxers, sparring with my playmates who are in other places now, whew! what a rush. hahahah.

Seeing that flick again and internalizing the moral, the struggle he went through, the beatings and shit. Hell, that guy can surely take a lot of serious punches and still stand and go down swinging. His main strength lies not on the strength in his arms, nor the peed and accuracy of his punches. It lies on his unyielding faith in himself and his Perseverance to win. That makes a true Champion.

In the current timeline of my existence, I have taken several hits, gone down several times but never stayed down. I went back up to fight another day. I was built to last. With a sense of humor and the perseverance mom taught me, I have learned to love what I have, work hard to reach my objectives. Just like Rocky so to speak.

In the past years of my life I have been a dick. I don't answer right, I am short tempered, I don't appreciate the little things. I find it amusing how I look back and see that clown thinking it was me, and thinking that I thought what I was doing and what I am is right. I feel so blessed to go through hell, be purged of the negativity that I have incurred and be the man I am now. Yes people may laugh at me for letting go of call center jobs and look for an averaged salary daytime job. What they don't understand is that what I value in life aren't material. I enjoy laughing with "true" friends. I enjoy time with my family. I enjoy simple cooking sessions with Hannah. It may sound absurd but I have fun crying over chick flicks with my girl, share a tub of ice cream, getting back rubs and all that stuff. My estranged crew still drown in alcohol, find love in the wrong places with the wrong persons, substitute love with cheap sex, I mean come on! And they belittle me because I changed? Yes dude, belittle my income, but never belittle who I am. You will never be half the man I am now.

A lot of things that I realized just watching a flick. Ain't that neat? Imagine me, painstakingly absorbing a whole ongoing series. Hahahahaha.

Before I end this virtual note, i would like to share a passage I read in a picture book when I was training with a former call center: " What is true light? It is looking into all of darkness with undimmed eyes". This is all for now. God bless us all!

Another Emailed Application

I just emailed an application for a High School or Elementary Computer Instructor and I am quite anxious about it. A place far more placid than the marketplace I grew up on. Where the hood ain't that dirty, nor are the people too flashy and boisterous.

I will hold the details of where this is, but one thing is certain: I am hyped!. Hahahahaha. Wish I can start a new career. a clean slate so to speak. No more nocturne hours of sucking up your ego to be yelled at by pesky customers and stuff. A simple corner with a desk where I can rot my way into bureaucracy. The father-type, boring-ass job so to speak. A peaceful job that follows a routine, fixed hours and fixed rest days (I'm not really a boring person, for me, that's what vacation leaves are for).

This is it for now. I'll just keep reading manga to pass the time and wait until the sun rises and my nephew to wake up so I can doze off.

Life Requires More Than Just A Poker Face

I'm finding it real hard to sleep so I'm writing this so I could wear myself down. I woke up on the afternoon of yesterday as I usually do. It is weird for others but this is pretty common among "retired brothers of the headset" or put plainly, people who are tired of being call center agents and decide never to return to the industry again. Furthermore, I had multiple hits of insults and complete lack of understanding from people I hold dear.

Another thing that's keeping me up is thinking about the fact that I project a natural aura of toughness and resiliency that no matter what people say or do, I don't get easily irritated, aggravated or hurt. But when those close to you have wronged you, it hurts so much to the very core. Like a speeding dart brings down a castle wall by hitting it's foundation molecule; pure luck or pure chance but it has done it. As for me, sad to say, I was the damn wall.

I lack a friend who I could talk to at tough times, crack a joke when I need one. My childhood friends are not here. Hell I even almost died one time when I got beaten to a pulp and a close friend ran for dear life, never thinking of going back. silly as it seems but I have accepted this fate. I was a born leader but somehow, I attract traitors. It's a sad, shitty, lonely role but someone has to play it.

I know that I lack patience but I need not a single reminder of it. I've been working on it day in and day out. Waiting for that gov't job that has just ended for a short time, gettin' used for the damn elections and working for a surprising 6 months only after a year plus of waiting, working on an "allowance" and shit is already a test of character and patience ain't it? I mean c'mon aand give me a damn break why dont ya?

I could go on and on with this yammer but what good would it do? I just wanted to smile and laugh once in a while. Be the boss once in a while. Is that really hard to give? Is that too much to ask? I've been a sponge of all sorts, absorbing the negativity from all people and still crack a joke and make them laugh. But what if the sponge is full? you wring it unto a bucket right? There comes a point that they can no longer hold any fluid. The question is, who or where is my bucket? Who can I run to?

Trust me, it never is easy being a bum when you are sensitive to other people's needs. I don't need a challenge, an insult nor a reminder. All I need is companionship, encouragement and some positivity to go with it.

life for me requires more than just a poker face. You've got to have a back up plan. Coz worse comes to worst, when you lose, you still have chips to bet for the next round. If a boxer gets knocked the fuck out, he can still win, given he still has the coordination to stand up, he still has the heart to fight and the determination to go in for the kill.

I was built to last and persevere. I want to be like a koi swimming up a river of challenges and trials. At the end of that journey, swim into a placid pond. Still so vibrant and colorful and graceful. This is it for now. This koi has to sleep to regain its lost color. It's in gray-scale as of the moment.

A Painful Tribute

My moral support crew of one. Hehehehe. Thank you so much for comin' with me babe.

Love and Perseverance

WhirrrrZZZrrrZzZZzZZZ! When you hear the buzz, It's time for pain.

Getting wiped is more painful than gettin' pierced! damn!

Dad's piece all done.

The master sadist A.K.A. artist, Bonski Bonafos at work.

Another look at Dad's finished piece.

Earlier stages of dad's piece... Beginnings are gruesome and they sap your energy right out of you.

I wished to have myself inked since high school. I even recall asking my mother's permission for a month straight, 3 times a day just so i can get my whole back inked by an artist for a tattoo convention. I got the nod years later.

I then thought about the design. Just like a boy wanting to draw or buying a sticker for the first time, i wanted dragons, knights, skulls and reapers and demons of all sort. Then I came to a realization that I will bear this for the rest of my life. So I decided to make it a tribute to the persons who molded me to the man I am today. Headstrong, resilient and comic.... The comic part is all me. hehehehehehe. Above are pictures of the pieces that I have in tribute to my mom and dad and two of the best lessons I learned from each of them. Love and Perseverance for my mom, Respect and Discipline for my dad.

Playtimes

One of the perks of being an uncle is having an arsenal of laughs and chuckles from playing with your niece or nephew. In my case, it's having a nephew to play with. I thought having a responsibility in this case, a kid will make me and Hannah have little time with each other. I was gravely mistaken. It made us share more quality time times with each other. We enjoy just being in the house, watchin' over the kid, dressing him up and taking snapshots of him. Not to brag, this kid is a looker ( what did you guys expect he's my nephew. We share some genes man! hahahahahahaha). I can't even wait for the toddler years when I can play more with him. I think I'm gonna review engineering mathematics. I'd like to teach him algebra in the first grade. Well, gotta sign off for now, the kid's still up and it's 1:53 in the morning. Peace out!

Parenting practice

I've been up all night (coz I've slept the whole day) watching over my nephew JP sleep. I've been doing this since he got here. His parents are in Singapore working so me and my parents are taking care of him now. I never thought that being an uncle would be hard. I just thought that I can just play and cuddle with the kid and let his parents do the dirty work. That clearly isn't the case.

I'm not complaining really, for me, I see it as a blessing. I lost 7 kg in three weeks out of carrying him around, watching over him, giving him baths and being on the 'night shift". My mom watches over him when I'm off to Neverland. Inspite of the hardships I go through, this kid keeps me sane. His smiles, chuckles and antics seem to wash my worries away. he makes me see the important things in life over and over again. he makes me value family even more now. He even makes me hurry home from work just to make sure he and mom are okay.

It may sound absurd but I changed a lot since he came in to our home. I feel like I'm more mature and I feel the need for me to be better all the time so he can see me as a good role model. there was the time that we took him to the pediatrician to get vaccinated and I watched in horror as the doctor stuck the syringe in for the vaccine. Man, I almost fainted! Lucky I got my poker face on. hahahahahahaha. well, I guess that's all for now. Hopefully, as tradition suggests, kids bring luck. I do hope I get paid from working in a government agency. It's been 3 months and we haven't got paid yet. I got to buy some milk, diapers, vitamins for the baby. I was also planning on having myself inked for life.

Of demon names and what not

What Is Your DEMON Name?

Mackie Basañez , your DEMON Name is...

Clauneck - Demon over treasures and riches.

Check this out! my friend on facebook posted this on his page. I got quite curious on what I'd get and voila: Clauneck-Demon over treasures and riches. I got so confused of what the hell it means.

First, it could be that I m bound to be filthy rich that I can purchase anybody's soul and burn it. This is rather odd coz right now, I can't even buy stuff fo' my broke ass! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I take this as a good joke though. maybe I was "destined" to be rich. (people poor as rats say that to thmselves often don't they?). if this is the case, can I sleep 48 hours and then make time go by 4X faster? hehehehe. I can't wait for what the future holds. Success usually starts with big dreams so I'd be getting a head-start by sleeping won't I?

Second, it could mean that 1. I am a demon and 2. I am a demon who got over money and riches and is way over it to even think of, or discuss it. Now this is weird. as people say nothing in life is free. This is driving me nuts. anyway people, just vote which is which. I can't decide for myself. (I wanted to go with the "destined to be rich" scenario.)

The Time To Fight Back

It's quite awhile since I last wrote here. The only place and time that I truly feel like myself is when I am in the act of writing. The freedom of speech and expression is one of the privileges of a democratic state that seems to be a luxury for anyone these days ( I think I'm only speaking for myself in this context).

It's been a year and 4 months since I last held a job. I gave up being a nocturne being and decided to rejoin the world, try a different industry where people work in normal office hours and enjoy holidays. When I was still in the call center, I thought these days are gonna be heaven. Well, I've had a blast but the job-hunt was hell. The main problem that I had to face just like after being incarcerated is the fact that i have to fit into the norm again, sleep patters and all. I'm waiting to be employed in a government agency starting July 1. But before that I've been through a trail of exams, interviews and printed a bundle of resumes and application letters so many that my printer went dry...(may the cartridges rest in peace)

These were the lowest point in my life and it was also the best. It was the lowest in the sense that I am financially incapacitated, I feel so helpless against the bills and rent that my mom's pension is barely getting us out of. I can say the best coz unlike the other time hat I was down and out, someone never left my side, never budged, never cared for what people say. Thanks a bunch Hannah. I love you with all that I am.

You may be really confused about the relation of this article to that of the title. It's simple. This is an expression of my stand to the motherfuckers who's trying to ruin this relationship. That's right motherfuckers! This is for you! I've been silent, I've been polite and I've been nice to all y'all. If you think that I would back down from this, I won't. If in the past i was that lenient, I am a renewed man. I will defend my keep. I will defend the rock that I have built my dreams on. I've bled crimson and bluejust to make the relationship get this far and I will not back down when it comes to defending it.

I appreciate the theatrics, the resourcefulness of going as far as to talking with her parents. But mind you assholes, you ain't scaring nobody. A word of advice, if you value your relationships with other people, if you value your family, you better quit it. I will not rest until I have shamed you amongst your peers, your family and the ones that you sick sons of bitches love. I loathe the very fact that you exist. You insignificant scoundrels who pick on people who never done you wrong just so that you can prove you are worthy of existence.. Eat shit you fucking lousy, perverted bastard! Grow the fuck up! Get a life! Stop ruining other people.

One of these days, I'd know who you are. When that day comes, I hope you said your goodbyes. I will hunt you down bitches! I will slut your fucking throats in front of the whores you call your mothers. I will make these whores realize that instead of giving birth to you, they should have in fact, made your pussy-of-a-father wear a condom. Damn, you're so ugly the condom company should write yo' mommas yearly to apologize for a faulty product.

A Childhood Wish Comin' True

I always wished I had a dog ever since I was a kid. Just this wednesday, April 21, 2010, it came true. My girl, Hannah, gave us (I mean my immediate family) a 3-month old, half-japanese spitz. We named her Mizuki( we thought it would be cool to give her a jap name.). Now she's sleeping near the foot of my chair as I'm typing this.

The reason why I didn't have a dog was that my mom wouldn't let me have one. She says that the house might stink from the poop and piss. But now, I think she met her match. Mizuki would always move, following people around, as if waiting for people to admire her cuteness. Not to brag, she is a looker. When mom's unhappy about what the puppy's doing. all she needs to say is "Mizuki, NO!". Then the pup would bow her head and work her charms again. she never makes the same offense twice. (except for the pooping and pissing inside the house part coz I still have to train her.)

I couldn't thank Hannah enough. This is one of the best gifts ever. My dad also loves the dog. He wouldn't even let her outside coz her paws might get dirty. My mom combs the pup's fur after her bath. whoa. I guess I wouldn't wander around that much anymore. I got stuff to do in the house. And I also got a puppy to attend to. I really am happy right now. Thanks babe. I think i gotta go now. The dog keeps looking at me. i think we gotta poop. Peace out!

Meeting the Parents Jitters

I've recently come back home from a trip to Butuan City with my girl and her sister. She wanted me to meet her parents. It's not that we're gonna get married but she wanted them to know me first hand. We shipped out Oct. 22 which is a Thursday. To be honest, I've been anxious since The week before that. I was thinking to myself, what if they don't like me? what if they find something unpleasant? The anxiety grew by the second when I was on board that Butuan-bound ship.

6:30 in the morning on Oct. 23, a Friday, the boat arrived at the port of Nasipit. We were greeted by my girl's Aunty Aking, her mom's sister and her Uncle Lando. They never said a word to me at first just plain "Hi's" and "Hello's". When we arrived at my girl's parent's house, her parents were there. Her mom said hi, but her dad just took 1 glance at me and never spoke a word. After talking with Kate and Hannah, he went off to work. This was the atmosphere until around 8:30 in the mornin. Around nine in the morning, They started cooking since that day was also Xiera's confirmation rite. There were a lot of things to do since they did expect a lot of visitors so I decided to lend a hand. I was slicin' onions, paring potatoes, peeling carrots and lots of stuff. It is here that i had my first conversation and that was with Hannah's aunt who acted as their nanny when they were little. She talked a lot aboput their family's history and loads of other stuff. Sir Ondix (I never got to know his real name. everybody calls him by this name) who was an excellent cook shared in the conversation. He's a native of Pardo so we talked a lot about Cebu. Then lunch came and Xiera's classmates came and so with the rest of the relatives. There was quite a lot of faces to meet. After lunch, Hannah's grandma on her mother's side decided to get to know me better. She's a very gracious woman, well-mannered and very soft spoken. The tone was as if she was giving our relationship a blessing and this was the first time I breathed a sigh of relief.

The afternoon came and some new faces came. They were her mom's batch mates sir Gibson, Sir Jojo, her uncles Mitchell and Marwin. These were the guys who interviewed me a lot, made me laugh, I cracked a joke and made them laugh, and basically made me feel at home. When her Hannah's Dad decided to skip the afternoon shift, her uncle Marwin made a great conversation that the her dad and me shared in. It was the turning point that her dad already felt comfy talking to me after that. Her mom also shared in the conversation and this was the conversation flow for the following days.

The following day we woke up a lil' late and headed to the beach. It was really good. The beach was so clean but the sand made the water dark. It is also near a delta where the river meets the sea so you'd get the picture. But the view was spectacular. The company? the best! we even played mahjong by the beach. It was great. Hahahahahahahaha. And oh, we never get to spend a day without a minimum of 1 lechon. how's that? hahahahahahaha. This is a long one so if you want further details, talk to me.

And to Gian who had a milestone, Kudos to you. wehehehehe. Sirs Gibson, Lando, Jojo, Mawe, Ondix, Mitchel, Marwin and Maam Aking, Maam Julie and nanay and all others I failed to mention, thank you so much for the wlecome and time well spent in Butuan. Words aren't really enough to show my gratitude, one of the best vacations ever!

Game Review: Call of Juarez II: Bound in Blood

Howdy partner! heheheheheh howdy indeed! I wuz a jobless cunt for quite a while now so I ended up sendin' resume's thru email and of course gaming. I wuz browsing thousands of game torrents on the internet (coz I can't even afford a pack of smokes! sheesh!) and i found this on thepiratebay.org. Pretty cool game. graphics are decent. but the bodies don't have bullet holes once you hit em dead. But I still give it a 7/10 rating anyday. its a really fun and addicting game. You'd be either playing Ray, a dual-pistol shootin, dynamite throwin', Gatling gun carrying hoodlum or his brother Thomas who can jump higher, use a rope, shoot arrows and throw knives. rifles and pistols are shared weapons, but duality goes to Ray. The Maps are huge but there are onscreen markers that you can follow for going into the objective. It's so realistic that you really can ride the map a long time and die by falling off a gorge! ahahaha. yep. i am an idiot and i tried it in the game! aside from the story line, you can also go on side missions w/c you can get money. The missions vary from gun-for hire type to killing a whole gang of outlaws. One unique feature of the game that I'd love to stress is the shootout wherein you get to be in a gun duel! you also get to ride a horse and have it walk or sprint w/c completes the cow boy feel. haha! its too complex for words so check the game out! no kidding. for FPS lovers like me, this is worth your time.


Playing as Thomas, providing Ray w/ covering fire
focus mode w/c makes you aim w/ your rifle better (goes for pistols too)
the showdown mode
dual sawed off shotguns.

Everyday is Family Sunday

Just the other day, my mom was out the hospital. A lot of friends and family called in to make sure that they heard the news right.

I then noticed what happened. Mom out of retirement, dad is almost at flexi-time when it goes to work, me and my brother taking a breather from work ( we're bums right now if that's what you prefer) , makes me realize that these are rare moments where we get to spend a whole lotta time just being w/ each other. like a very long, extended Sunday.

We started that day by eating breakfast together, just talking. I even had a rare occasion of hearing my dad crack a joke that made us both laugh(this really is weird given we don't really coexist that harmoniously often). What follows was a long lazy day. my brother and mom were at the room watching TV. I was in the living room reading " Breaking Dawn" all day, smoking while I'm at it. Dad is watching TV in the living room too.

There was nothing but just casual chit-chat, jokes, coziness in between. I was constantly checking whether this was a dream or not but it wasn't. And that made me happy to know that we are really in it. *Sigh*. I'm not really a materialistic person. moments like these just wanna make my heart explode out of sheer joy. well, I gotta get back to 'em. ciao!

beaten down bad, bleedin like hell...

I really wonder if there would ever be a time that i would settle. Like even in the span of a day, I won't worry about anything or any one. Just like way back when I was a kid. I would only think of excuses that my dad won't let me take my afternoon nap so i could just play around with friends. Simple, peaceful, fun.
The past months were like hell for me. I mean I don't hurt that much but this was the anniversary of my "Hell days on Earth months". It was the biggest, longest. mind-twitching charade I ever had. Coz back then, just when I thought I had everything all figured out, I was wrong. Dead Wrong. but back then it was on my lovelife. (kinda showbiz sounding but its better to be simpler *wink*).
But now, I'm facing graver threats to sanity. just now, as I'm typing this blog, mom's in the hospital w/ a case of UTI. She went to Surigao w/ my brother then to Samar with me. Whenever she goes traveling, she always forgets to rehydrate w/ water and settles for softdrinks instead. so the story goes. I haven't visited her yet coz I'm afraid I'd cry my eyes off. She is my strength. seein' her like that would just tear my heart appart.
Next off, i really am getting beat from my jobhunt. i really want a dad-type boring desk job that I can settle in. but Apparently, the only thing that's available are agent positions in call centers. Frankly, I'm almost losing hope. *sigh* I never wanna go back to the job that almost cost me my life.
Well there goes another round in life, a lot more to go, so I gotta keep fighting. as long as Hazel Eyez got my back, I can take on anything in my path. bring it on!

Young and Hopeless... I Mean Jobless.

It's been 3 months since i last had work. I wasn't loittering around wastin' my time. I was really looking for a job that I can settle in for eternity. I really mean this literally. Coz as far as I recall, I never had a job that I liked that I chose to stay. I've been in and out of call centers, of hospitals for getting sick due to the night shift, but hey, I never complained. having its perks also means you got to be beaten to a bloody pulp. What's more troublesome is that I can't seem to shake my mom off my business. I love her and all but cliche as it may sound, I really wanted to scream on top of my lungs and say I'm not a kid anymore. That I, as individual require my own personal space.

I am way off the mark for the age of majority, I've never had a decision in life that I regret. I think things over carefully. I hate efforts that are half baked. i understand that maybe, just maybe since mom just got into retirement, she may have insecurities. I wish she would just listen to my reasons and see for herself that I am full of insecurities too. Why the hell would I love being a bum? I know I got obligations, I know I have to help out. But can't they just give me a break? I'm doin' my best in applying for "normal" jobs. I'm waiting for them to call so we can sign a damn contract. I don't wanna work a nocturne forever. I don't live to work. I work to live.

What's the point of having good pay if you just waste it on meds and hospital bills? This time, I won't ever settle for anything less than what I deserve.

This blog has helped me out a lot in expressing myself. If not for this, I would've gone mad a long, long, long time ago. peace out.

Ho-Hum

Its been a while since i last posted some thoughts on here. maybe its healthy if i make it a daily habit huh? hehehehe. i'd just like to let y'all know that one of my bestfriends died just 2 days ago. She really was so sweet and thoughtful and always there for me.

She clobbered me funny when I'm bored, sang to me the latest songs and even helped me out with tons of paperwork way back high school, until making resumes. Yes, my dear friends, Cely, my Celeron 900 MHz powered computer tower breathed her last. In come Damian the Intel Core 2 duo processor tower. hehehehe. i'd just start from here and continue upgrading until i build a monster. hehehehehe. ciao!

Missing You

I really didn't count the days since you went home to your folks but i'm sure as hell i miss you so damn much. I've gotten so used to bein around you most of the time that I feel like its so important...like breathing.

Now I have the first dose of loneliness, it really tears me apart. I know you'd be back but I miss you. I really do.

P.S. I know you're gonna be here tom. I just wrote this blog to let my feelings out into the open. wehehehehehe. miss ya muffin!

When Human Magic Marker is Filled w/ Ink Again

I really like that phrase by one of my fave artists. His name Is Brandon Boyd of the band incubus. Coz it sort of promotes the idea of a higher being that's in touch w/ your soul and gives you creativity to write things down.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, there is a drop in the times that I make posts to my blog. The reason is simple, I lost inspiration. Well, now I got smacked into oblivion w/ a haunting fact that I did that to myself for no apparent reason. It took a great deal of help from my girl (w/out her noticing the drop in my hunger for creativity) to get me to write again. so here I am.

There's alot goin' on lately like me resignin' from my job ( customer service really ain't my thing.), and the best part of all, I have a relationship that goes deeper and deeper each day. It just ain't materialistic, nor is it sexually driven, nor its just for companionship. Its just that we really love each other and just bein around each other makes us happy.

Everyday, when I wake up, I'm not the grouch anymore. I choose to smile. And just be happy. I wanna enjoy even life's simple pleasures, like sharing a laugh, crying at a good movie ( i don't freakin' care what you say, I will not lie about what I feel EVER.). And all these things, I owe to Hannah. The song lyrics really are true. "I never know I was lookin for love until I found you." Love you gorgeous! As for Y'all, you'd be hearing from me more. until next time.