rebirth

I came across this song that perfectly fits the mood that I'm in. Through my times of turmoil, I have found peace. Through the times I lived in mono, you brought technicolor to it. so for you, here's the song Cebuana by Urbandub.

Hazel eyes
You have awakened me Opened my mind
Never thought love could come
A second time
Been wasting away
Killing myself
Closed all my doors
I wasn't the same anymore
Then you came along
Hazel eyes
Speak to me once more
You're words are a comfort
Discovered again that love could come
A second time
You played your part
Helped me restart
Mended these wounds
That once was tearing my heart
You came along
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay with me
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay, Stay, Stay,

You have awakened me Opened my mind
Never thought love could come
A second time
Been wasting away
Killing myself
Closed all my doors
I wasn't the same
You played your part
Helped me restart
Mended these wounds
That once was tearing my heart
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay with me
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay, Stay, Stay,

Stay with me
Stay, stay, stay with me
Stay with me

Enduring Pain

Wuzzup world? How's it been since I last wrote my thoughts on you? I've been in a real wild ride but hell. it can't get no worse than this.

I wuz just at the damn hospital coz I got costochondritis ( sounds cool but chest pains really hurt like hell. like little heart attacks goin on simultaneously). Thedoctor said I gotta say no to my vices now. Is she nuts? damn. I mean does she even know how to live a life the way that i did?

Seriously thogh. the pain that I suffer when I had the "attacks" are not even close to the pain that i had in months. Life was not that fair in the affairs of the heart. But I guess I still have to be thankful. Coz in the process, I get to know the meaning of my existence. How people value me as a person, as a friend, a brother by blood or by choice. People that I expect to be there, left me out in my darkest times. People I barely even knew, w/ whom I never expect much support from, gave me strength and cheered me on to the point where I stand today; a man able to stand back up, still sentient, a lover of life. And for this guys, kudos to you.

The times that I spent alone in that hospital room, made me realize that it aint how many friends you know or you have, its how many TRUE friends that you have at your side. unyielding, immovable, strong. We never pick our true friends. Time and trials filter them out for us. some require much time to be seen, others just a little, others are just under our noses waiting to be recognized. These friends were my shots of morphine for my bleeding heart.

But for the pain that I have inside, dear friends, the only time that I lied to you, is when I said that I am fully healed, and I feel no pain at all. For that, I'm sorry. I just never wanted you to worry....