Missing You

I really didn't count the days since you went home to your folks but i'm sure as hell i miss you so damn much. I've gotten so used to bein around you most of the time that I feel like its so important...like breathing.

Now I have the first dose of loneliness, it really tears me apart. I know you'd be back but I miss you. I really do.

P.S. I know you're gonna be here tom. I just wrote this blog to let my feelings out into the open. wehehehehehe. miss ya muffin!

When Human Magic Marker is Filled w/ Ink Again

I really like that phrase by one of my fave artists. His name Is Brandon Boyd of the band incubus. Coz it sort of promotes the idea of a higher being that's in touch w/ your soul and gives you creativity to write things down.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, there is a drop in the times that I make posts to my blog. The reason is simple, I lost inspiration. Well, now I got smacked into oblivion w/ a haunting fact that I did that to myself for no apparent reason. It took a great deal of help from my girl (w/out her noticing the drop in my hunger for creativity) to get me to write again. so here I am.

There's alot goin' on lately like me resignin' from my job ( customer service really ain't my thing.), and the best part of all, I have a relationship that goes deeper and deeper each day. It just ain't materialistic, nor is it sexually driven, nor its just for companionship. Its just that we really love each other and just bein around each other makes us happy.

Everyday, when I wake up, I'm not the grouch anymore. I choose to smile. And just be happy. I wanna enjoy even life's simple pleasures, like sharing a laugh, crying at a good movie ( i don't freakin' care what you say, I will not lie about what I feel EVER.). And all these things, I owe to Hannah. The song lyrics really are true. "I never know I was lookin for love until I found you." Love you gorgeous! As for Y'all, you'd be hearing from me more. until next time.

rebirth

I came across this song that perfectly fits the mood that I'm in. Through my times of turmoil, I have found peace. Through the times I lived in mono, you brought technicolor to it. so for you, here's the song Cebuana by Urbandub.

Hazel eyes
You have awakened me Opened my mind
Never thought love could come
A second time
Been wasting away
Killing myself
Closed all my doors
I wasn't the same anymore
Then you came along
Hazel eyes
Speak to me once more
You're words are a comfort
Discovered again that love could come
A second time
You played your part
Helped me restart
Mended these wounds
That once was tearing my heart
You came along
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay with me
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay, Stay, Stay,

You have awakened me Opened my mind
Never thought love could come
A second time
Been wasting away
Killing myself
Closed all my doors
I wasn't the same
You played your part
Helped me restart
Mended these wounds
That once was tearing my heart
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay with me
Under southern lights the mood is right
We move in closer together
Your lips press tight against mine
Stay, Stay, Stay,

Stay with me
Stay, stay, stay with me
Stay with me

Enduring Pain

Wuzzup world? How's it been since I last wrote my thoughts on you? I've been in a real wild ride but hell. it can't get no worse than this.

I wuz just at the damn hospital coz I got costochondritis ( sounds cool but chest pains really hurt like hell. like little heart attacks goin on simultaneously). Thedoctor said I gotta say no to my vices now. Is she nuts? damn. I mean does she even know how to live a life the way that i did?

Seriously thogh. the pain that I suffer when I had the "attacks" are not even close to the pain that i had in months. Life was not that fair in the affairs of the heart. But I guess I still have to be thankful. Coz in the process, I get to know the meaning of my existence. How people value me as a person, as a friend, a brother by blood or by choice. People that I expect to be there, left me out in my darkest times. People I barely even knew, w/ whom I never expect much support from, gave me strength and cheered me on to the point where I stand today; a man able to stand back up, still sentient, a lover of life. And for this guys, kudos to you.

The times that I spent alone in that hospital room, made me realize that it aint how many friends you know or you have, its how many TRUE friends that you have at your side. unyielding, immovable, strong. We never pick our true friends. Time and trials filter them out for us. some require much time to be seen, others just a little, others are just under our noses waiting to be recognized. These friends were my shots of morphine for my bleeding heart.

But for the pain that I have inside, dear friends, the only time that I lied to you, is when I said that I am fully healed, and I feel no pain at all. For that, I'm sorry. I just never wanted you to worry....

The girl I find who wants to talk about quantum theory in a bar is the one I want to marry

Funny huh? But really, I find it logical. This was quoted by Brandon Boyd in Rollingstone magazine as he was asked about his ideal soulmate. I mean, seriously though, I had lots and lots of relationships in the past. Ranging From a day, a week, a month, a year, way longer than 3 years, name it I got it. Relationships that exist just for the sex, for pleasure, for the company, the sweet thoughts, and the sex...did i mention SEX already? Hahahahaha. Anyway, of all the relationships, I have never had one that's so open, honest and trusting. I mean I got open relationships, honest relationships, trusting relationships but never a relationship w/ all 3 elements combined.

On the honesty part though, I,d rather have a gurl that tells me the truth straight to my face and pounds me face first to the ground than be w/ someone who pretends to care and jumbs on the next SOB that they find cute. JUST FOR THE FREAKING SAKE OF TEA AND SYMPATHY. That's just so nuts.

Come to think of it, I really haven't met a girl that I'm attracted to that can keep up w/ the way I think.One who openly discusses topics out of the blue, delivers it and grabs your attention and is very open to your opinions. One who's easy to share a laugh with. Witty, charming, outgoing and very trust-worthy. I do have a lot of friends of the opposite sex w/ these qualities but I see them ONLY as sisters. Nothin' more, nothin' less.

If the world is just so full of individuality and flooded w/ uniqueness, isn't anyone out there who can just be different from me but share these qualities? As I rethink about the reasons for the failures of the past, it has always been the lack of communication. Some girls shut their doors and windows down, some are real hot but are too dumb, some are too damn crazy and senseless. If I could wish for just 1 gift for Christmas, Man, this would definitely be it: "Lord, give me a girl as stated above. Pretty please?" Hehehehe. I know one day we'd cross paths. I just hope I'd be able to spend time with that girl. Have a piece of her mind, share thoughts, and better yet, share the same dreams...

In Memory of a Dear friend

It's just so sad to lose a friend. Especially one you had confided with. Someone you shared your pain with. What's ironic is that she's not even human. The last time I wuz sad like this was way back when my mom gave my dog Peanut away. I found it real hard to let go, and to conquer the pain that it brought me as we parted ways.

And now another ounce of pain awaits. My mom gave away the rabbit that I cared so much for. *Sigh*. Now I'm actually thinkin' what's in me that each and every time I hold someone or something dear, it gets robbed from me. Just like that. this sucks.

Spontaneous Human Combustion

Sounds weird huh? But yes, it does exist. It's one of the many trivial things that science hasn't fully broken down yet. Here's Brandon Boyd's explanation of the song lyrics in "Pardon Me": "I was in a bookstore, browsing through an old Life magazine, when I saw a picture of what the article called spontaneous human combustion. There were an old guy's legs and shoes, perfectly intact...then, right around his knee area, was just a pile of charred ashes. I was going through some turmoil in my life, both good and bad, and the image struck a chord, so...I wrote a song about it."

It really does fascinate me how the human flesh spontaneously bursts into flames. What triggers this phenomena? Is it an outburst of rage? An uncontrolled rampage of psycho-emotional reaction? Or is it a way of hell just claiming its minions? Honestly, I don't have a clue.

The accounts of witnesses seeing the phenomena states that as terrifying as it may be, none of the subjects even screamed or tried to roll over the ground. If that were the case, it could possibly mean that there was no pain at all. I can't imagine such a sweet painless death right? you don't feel a thing. A very earthly element, engulfs your physical plane and reducing you to ashes in seconds. The sight is horrifying, yet the sweet rewards are real. When you're in ashes, the wind blows you away, then you become one w/ the earth. Like going home to where you belong. You are buried like a king, or more than that. for a king is made to lie in a boat and the boat is then burned. While if you spontaneously combust, the earth bids you to go home, letting you cross into the ethereal plane so much more than kings could ever do.....