I just emailed an application for a High School or Elementary Computer Instructor and I am quite anxious about it. A place far more placid than the marketplace I grew up on. Where the hood ain't that dirty, nor are the people too flashy and boisterous.
I will hold the details of where this is, but one thing is certain: I am hyped!. Hahahahaha. Wish I can start a new career. a clean slate so to speak. No more nocturne hours of sucking up your ego to be yelled at by pesky customers and stuff. A simple corner with a desk where I can rot my way into bureaucracy. The father-type, boring-ass job so to speak. A peaceful job that follows a routine, fixed hours and fixed rest days (I'm not really a boring person, for me, that's what vacation leaves are for).
This is it for now. I'll just keep reading manga to pass the time and wait until the sun rises and my nephew to wake up so I can doze off.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Life Requires More Than Just A Poker Face
I'm finding it real hard to sleep so I'm writing this so I could wear myself down. I woke up on the afternoon of yesterday as I usually do. It is weird for others but this is pretty common among "retired brothers of the headset" or put plainly, people who are tired of being call center agents and decide never to return to the industry again. Furthermore, I had multiple hits of insults and complete lack of understanding from people I hold dear.
Another thing that's keeping me up is thinking about the fact that I project a natural aura of toughness and resiliency that no matter what people say or do, I don't get easily irritated, aggravated or hurt. But when those close to you have wronged you, it hurts so much to the very core. Like a speeding dart brings down a castle wall by hitting it's foundation molecule; pure luck or pure chance but it has done it. As for me, sad to say, I was the damn wall.
I lack a friend who I could talk to at tough times, crack a joke when I need one. My childhood friends are not here. Hell I even almost died one time when I got beaten to a pulp and a close friend ran for dear life, never thinking of going back. silly as it seems but I have accepted this fate. I was a born leader but somehow, I attract traitors. It's a sad, shitty, lonely role but someone has to play it.
I know that I lack patience but I need not a single reminder of it. I've been working on it day in and day out. Waiting for that gov't job that has just ended for a short time, gettin' used for the damn elections and working for a surprising 6 months only after a year plus of waiting, working on an "allowance" and shit is already a test of character and patience ain't it? I mean c'mon aand give me a damn break why dont ya?
I could go on and on with this yammer but what good would it do? I just wanted to smile and laugh once in a while. Be the boss once in a while. Is that really hard to give? Is that too much to ask? I've been a sponge of all sorts, absorbing the negativity from all people and still crack a joke and make them laugh. But what if the sponge is full? you wring it unto a bucket right? There comes a point that they can no longer hold any fluid. The question is, who or where is my bucket? Who can I run to?
Trust me, it never is easy being a bum when you are sensitive to other people's needs. I don't need a challenge, an insult nor a reminder. All I need is companionship, encouragement and some positivity to go with it.
life for me requires more than just a poker face. You've got to have a back up plan. Coz worse comes to worst, when you lose, you still have chips to bet for the next round. If a boxer gets knocked the fuck out, he can still win, given he still has the coordination to stand up, he still has the heart to fight and the determination to go in for the kill.
I was built to last and persevere. I want to be like a koi swimming up a river of challenges and trials. At the end of that journey, swim into a placid pond. Still so vibrant and colorful and graceful. This is it for now. This koi has to sleep to regain its lost color. It's in gray-scale as of the moment.
Another thing that's keeping me up is thinking about the fact that I project a natural aura of toughness and resiliency that no matter what people say or do, I don't get easily irritated, aggravated or hurt. But when those close to you have wronged you, it hurts so much to the very core. Like a speeding dart brings down a castle wall by hitting it's foundation molecule; pure luck or pure chance but it has done it. As for me, sad to say, I was the damn wall.
I lack a friend who I could talk to at tough times, crack a joke when I need one. My childhood friends are not here. Hell I even almost died one time when I got beaten to a pulp and a close friend ran for dear life, never thinking of going back. silly as it seems but I have accepted this fate. I was a born leader but somehow, I attract traitors. It's a sad, shitty, lonely role but someone has to play it.
I know that I lack patience but I need not a single reminder of it. I've been working on it day in and day out. Waiting for that gov't job that has just ended for a short time, gettin' used for the damn elections and working for a surprising 6 months only after a year plus of waiting, working on an "allowance" and shit is already a test of character and patience ain't it? I mean c'mon aand give me a damn break why dont ya?
I could go on and on with this yammer but what good would it do? I just wanted to smile and laugh once in a while. Be the boss once in a while. Is that really hard to give? Is that too much to ask? I've been a sponge of all sorts, absorbing the negativity from all people and still crack a joke and make them laugh. But what if the sponge is full? you wring it unto a bucket right? There comes a point that they can no longer hold any fluid. The question is, who or where is my bucket? Who can I run to?
Trust me, it never is easy being a bum when you are sensitive to other people's needs. I don't need a challenge, an insult nor a reminder. All I need is companionship, encouragement and some positivity to go with it.
life for me requires more than just a poker face. You've got to have a back up plan. Coz worse comes to worst, when you lose, you still have chips to bet for the next round. If a boxer gets knocked the fuck out, he can still win, given he still has the coordination to stand up, he still has the heart to fight and the determination to go in for the kill.
I was built to last and persevere. I want to be like a koi swimming up a river of challenges and trials. At the end of that journey, swim into a placid pond. Still so vibrant and colorful and graceful. This is it for now. This koi has to sleep to regain its lost color. It's in gray-scale as of the moment.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Painful Tribute
My moral support crew of one. Hehehehe. Thank you so much for comin' with me babe.
Love and Perseverance
WhirrrrZZZrrrZzZZzZZZ! When you hear the buzz, It's time for pain.
Getting wiped is more painful than gettin' pierced! damn!
Dad's piece all done.
The master sadist A.K.A. artist, Bonski Bonafos at work.
Another look at Dad's finished piece.
Earlier stages of dad's piece... Beginnings are gruesome and they sap your energy right out of you.
I wished to have myself inked since high school. I even recall asking my mother's permission for a month straight, 3 times a day just so i can get my whole back inked by an artist for a tattoo convention. I got the nod years later.
I then thought about the design. Just like a boy wanting to draw or buying a sticker for the first time, i wanted dragons, knights, skulls and reapers and demons of all sort. Then I came to a realization that I will bear this for the rest of my life. So I decided to make it a tribute to the persons who molded me to the man I am today. Headstrong, resilient and comic.... The comic part is all me. hehehehehehe. Above are pictures of the pieces that I have in tribute to my mom and dad and two of the best lessons I learned from each of them. Love and Perseverance for my mom, Respect and Discipline for my dad.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Playtimes
One of the perks of being an uncle is having an arsenal of laughs and chuckles from playing with your niece or nephew. In my case, it's having a nephew to play with. I thought having a responsibility in this case, a kid will make me and Hannah have little time with each other. I was gravely mistaken. It made us share more quality time times with each other. We enjoy just being in the house, watchin' over the kid, dressing him up and taking snapshots of him. Not to brag, this kid is a looker ( what did you guys expect he's my nephew. We share some genes man! hahahahahahaha). I can't even wait for the toddler years when I can play more with him. I think I'm gonna review engineering mathematics. I'd like to teach him algebra in the first grade. Well, gotta sign off for now, the kid's still up and it's 1:53 in the morning. Peace out!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Parenting practice
I've been up all night (coz I've slept the whole day) watching over my nephew JP sleep. I've been doing this since he got here. His parents are in Singapore working so me and my parents are taking care of him now. I never thought that being an uncle would be hard. I just thought that I can just play and cuddle with the kid and let his parents do the dirty work. That clearly isn't the case.
I'm not complaining really, for me, I see it as a blessing. I lost 7 kg in three weeks out of carrying him around, watching over him, giving him baths and being on the 'night shift". My mom watches over him when I'm off to Neverland. Inspite of the hardships I go through, this kid keeps me sane. His smiles, chuckles and antics seem to wash my worries away. he makes me see the important things in life over and over again. he makes me value family even more now. He even makes me hurry home from work just to make sure he and mom are okay.
It may sound absurd but I changed a lot since he came in to our home. I feel like I'm more mature and I feel the need for me to be better all the time so he can see me as a good role model. there was the time that we took him to the pediatrician to get vaccinated and I watched in horror as the doctor stuck the syringe in for the vaccine. Man, I almost fainted! Lucky I got my poker face on. hahahahahahaha. well, I guess that's all for now. Hopefully, as tradition suggests, kids bring luck. I do hope I get paid from working in a government agency. It's been 3 months and we haven't got paid yet. I got to buy some milk, diapers, vitamins for the baby. I was also planning on having myself inked for life.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Of demon names and what not
Mackie Basañez , your DEMON Name is...
Clauneck - Demon over treasures and riches.
Check this out! my friend on facebook posted this on his page. I got quite curious on what I'd get and voila: Clauneck-Demon over treasures and riches. I got so confused of what the hell it means.
First, it could be that I m bound to be filthy rich that I can purchase anybody's soul and burn it. This is rather odd coz right now, I can't even buy stuff fo' my broke ass! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I take this as a good joke though. maybe I was "destined" to be rich. (people poor as rats say that to thmselves often don't they?). if this is the case, can I sleep 48 hours and then make time go by 4X faster? hehehehe. I can't wait for what the future holds. Success usually starts with big dreams so I'd be getting a head-start by sleeping won't I?
Second, it could mean that 1. I am a demon and 2. I am a demon who got over money and riches and is way over it to even think of, or discuss it. Now this is weird. as people say nothing in life is free. This is driving me nuts. anyway people, just vote which is which. I can't decide for myself. (I wanted to go with the "destined to be rich" scenario.)
Check this out! my friend on facebook posted this on his page. I got quite curious on what I'd get and voila: Clauneck-Demon over treasures and riches. I got so confused of what the hell it means.
First, it could be that I m bound to be filthy rich that I can purchase anybody's soul and burn it. This is rather odd coz right now, I can't even buy stuff fo' my broke ass! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I take this as a good joke though. maybe I was "destined" to be rich. (people poor as rats say that to thmselves often don't they?). if this is the case, can I sleep 48 hours and then make time go by 4X faster? hehehehe. I can't wait for what the future holds. Success usually starts with big dreams so I'd be getting a head-start by sleeping won't I?
Second, it could mean that 1. I am a demon and 2. I am a demon who got over money and riches and is way over it to even think of, or discuss it. Now this is weird. as people say nothing in life is free. This is driving me nuts. anyway people, just vote which is which. I can't decide for myself. (I wanted to go with the "destined to be rich" scenario.)
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Time To Fight Back
It's quite awhile since I last wrote here. The only place and time that I truly feel like myself is when I am in the act of writing. The freedom of speech and expression is one of the privileges of a democratic state that seems to be a luxury for anyone these days ( I think I'm only speaking for myself in this context).
It's been a year and 4 months since I last held a job. I gave up being a nocturne being and decided to rejoin the world, try a different industry where people work in normal office hours and enjoy holidays. When I was still in the call center, I thought these days are gonna be heaven. Well, I've had a blast but the job-hunt was hell. The main problem that I had to face just like after being incarcerated is the fact that i have to fit into the norm again, sleep patters and all. I'm waiting to be employed in a government agency starting July 1. But before that I've been through a trail of exams, interviews and printed a bundle of resumes and application letters so many that my printer went dry...(may the cartridges rest in peace)
These were the lowest point in my life and it was also the best. It was the lowest in the sense that I am financially incapacitated, I feel so helpless against the bills and rent that my mom's pension is barely getting us out of. I can say the best coz unlike the other time hat I was down and out, someone never left my side, never budged, never cared for what people say. Thanks a bunch Hannah. I love you with all that I am.
You may be really confused about the relation of this article to that of the title. It's simple. This is an expression of my stand to the motherfuckers who's trying to ruin this relationship. That's right motherfuckers! This is for you! I've been silent, I've been polite and I've been nice to all y'all. If you think that I would back down from this, I won't. If in the past i was that lenient, I am a renewed man. I will defend my keep. I will defend the rock that I have built my dreams on. I've bled crimson and bluejust to make the relationship get this far and I will not back down when it comes to defending it.
I appreciate the theatrics, the resourcefulness of going as far as to talking with her parents. But mind you assholes, you ain't scaring nobody. A word of advice, if you value your relationships with other people, if you value your family, you better quit it. I will not rest until I have shamed you amongst your peers, your family and the ones that you sick sons of bitches love. I loathe the very fact that you exist. You insignificant scoundrels who pick on people who never done you wrong just so that you can prove you are worthy of existence.. Eat shit you fucking lousy, perverted bastard! Grow the fuck up! Get a life! Stop ruining other people.
One of these days, I'd know who you are. When that day comes, I hope you said your goodbyes. I will hunt you down bitches! I will slut your fucking throats in front of the whores you call your mothers. I will make these whores realize that instead of giving birth to you, they should have in fact, made your pussy-of-a-father wear a condom. Damn, you're so ugly the condom company should write yo' mommas yearly to apologize for a faulty product.
It's been a year and 4 months since I last held a job. I gave up being a nocturne being and decided to rejoin the world, try a different industry where people work in normal office hours and enjoy holidays. When I was still in the call center, I thought these days are gonna be heaven. Well, I've had a blast but the job-hunt was hell. The main problem that I had to face just like after being incarcerated is the fact that i have to fit into the norm again, sleep patters and all. I'm waiting to be employed in a government agency starting July 1. But before that I've been through a trail of exams, interviews and printed a bundle of resumes and application letters so many that my printer went dry...(may the cartridges rest in peace)
These were the lowest point in my life and it was also the best. It was the lowest in the sense that I am financially incapacitated, I feel so helpless against the bills and rent that my mom's pension is barely getting us out of. I can say the best coz unlike the other time hat I was down and out, someone never left my side, never budged, never cared for what people say. Thanks a bunch Hannah. I love you with all that I am.
You may be really confused about the relation of this article to that of the title. It's simple. This is an expression of my stand to the motherfuckers who's trying to ruin this relationship. That's right motherfuckers! This is for you! I've been silent, I've been polite and I've been nice to all y'all. If you think that I would back down from this, I won't. If in the past i was that lenient, I am a renewed man. I will defend my keep. I will defend the rock that I have built my dreams on. I've bled crimson and bluejust to make the relationship get this far and I will not back down when it comes to defending it.
I appreciate the theatrics, the resourcefulness of going as far as to talking with her parents. But mind you assholes, you ain't scaring nobody. A word of advice, if you value your relationships with other people, if you value your family, you better quit it. I will not rest until I have shamed you amongst your peers, your family and the ones that you sick sons of bitches love. I loathe the very fact that you exist. You insignificant scoundrels who pick on people who never done you wrong just so that you can prove you are worthy of existence.. Eat shit you fucking lousy, perverted bastard! Grow the fuck up! Get a life! Stop ruining other people.
One of these days, I'd know who you are. When that day comes, I hope you said your goodbyes. I will hunt you down bitches! I will slut your fucking throats in front of the whores you call your mothers. I will make these whores realize that instead of giving birth to you, they should have in fact, made your pussy-of-a-father wear a condom. Damn, you're so ugly the condom company should write yo' mommas yearly to apologize for a faulty product.
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